(Read this in an American accent; )

I feel really awful. I don't know when I'll start again. Yes, I've cried. And all I can say is sorry. No matter how many sorry(s) I give you, it won't heal the pain I've cause right? Can anyone tell me why, why is it so difficult to do this? So difficult to get over it, even though I was the one who initiated it.

So easy to get in, but so difficult to get out.

I feel so useless, so worthless. I can't even make up my own mind. I don't even know what I want. I don't even know myself anymore. I can't even decide! I feel so guilty. I'm so fickle-minded. So hesitant. I keep second guessing myself, my options, my decisions, what I want.

Even harder to give a reason.

I feel so weak. I can't do anything. All I do is cry, and cry and cry. What's the use? I can't change anything by crying, can I? Of course not. I hate, detest maybe, people who disrespect others. Those who just kick someone aside, just like that. Like they don't mean a thing. And those people, they may or may not know that they mean a lot to that certain someone. Knowing and ignoring their own importance to him/ her, and just leaving them alone. With no intention of coming back. Disregarding their feelings. I dislike these people. But guess what? I'm doing it. I don't know why I am, but I'm just doing it. How can this happen? I don't know, I don't know about anything anymore. But doesn't that mean that,

I HATE MYSELF.

I'm hurting too. Everytime I walk past where we walked, which I will walk every single day, I will remember. The things you've done, the things we did, the times we spent together, the things we said, what you said. We laughed, we talked, we grew closer. In just one month's time. And I had to spoil everything. Thanks to me. Memories, memories. Precious little things in life. And now what? The pain's been done, the hurt's been caused. And I still sit here thinking, what to do. Even though I initiated it, I'm still not sure what I want to do now. I miss you. I miss US. I don't even know anymore. I can't hold it in anymore.

I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON.

BrendaHayleyfizzy'pxh.

Labels: BHFPXH, Rants

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